Change in the Wind

I’m considering going back to school to get my Bachelor’s degree. I’ve always wanted to do this but the last decade or so has been almost overwhelming, and it was a struggle to merely keep my head above water for a long time. I’m far from fixed, and I have my issues, but I think it’s time to fulfill this dream. It will probably be an online program because I don’t know if I can handle campus chaos, but hey — an achievement is an achievement, no? How we get to where we need to be may not be how we imagined it, but the journey can be fulfilling and satisfying anyway.

(I think the neighbor is rearranging, at 4:30 in the morning….don’t ask me why I’m still awake because I can’t say except to note that my mind won’t shut up again. I keep hearing scraping and moving sounds over on the other side of the wall,)

It’s getting cooler here and fall is definitely in the air. After 3 winters in Florida I have the feeling Missouri is going to kick my backside once again. Hopefully this will be my last year here for a while, if all goes as planned. I’m looking into getting a house with my daughter and her family in another state because they can’t afford what they need on their income, and I need to be around people whether I like it or not. Their family respects my introversion when I choose to be alone in my room or go on a trip by myself, but they also provide me with a sense of belonging and companionship I can’t get when I’m living on my own. Yes, they’re amazingly loud at times, but that’s what headphones are for, right? I stayed with them a bit over the winter and early spring and we did okay….as long as they respect my need for privacy when I shut my door and I give them space when it’s necessary, we should get along fine. Families in other parts of the world make this work all the time. We can do it, too. Multi-generational living has definite advantages. It’s not perfect, but life isn’t either.

God has been good to me. Bumps, bruises, pain, loss….it’s all in His hands and He can make something good from even the worst that happens to us if we allow Him to move in our lives. Yes, I’ve had it rough at times, but other people have gone through much more for longer and they survived. I’m tenacious, determined, and willing to go with the flow to get where I need to be. Hopefully I’ll be an inspiration to someone else who just might need to hear that our past doesn’t dictate our future if we can let go of the pain and stop the negativity that wants to pull us under.

I’m not perfect. I’m a work in progress just like everyone else. I have a bit of a different viewpoint than a lot of folks, but that’s part of who I am. I’m not tied to places or belongings, but to my God and what He has for me even when I have no idea what that is or how I’m going to get there. That’s faith. I trust that when He calls me to step out, there will be ground under my feet or He will help me fly. What more do I really need? He’s gotten me this far and He isn’t about to let go now.

You Are Enough.

Those of us who experienced abuse in childhood or marriage – whether verbal, physical, sexual, psychological, or any combination thereof – often struggle with feelings of inadequacy, self-criticism, self-hatred, doubt, fear, and even self-condemnation. We need to remember that Jesus bled and died for us, too. He was with us through those times, holding us up with His hand, because He loves us. He knows how we struggle to reconcile the concept of a loving, caring Father with the examples we were exposed to. He is aware of how it skewed our thinking and caused us to struggle more than others with seeing Him as One who accepts us as we are, not the way someone else thinks we should be. He hears our cries in the darkness, is fully cognizant of our tormented minds, and stands with us as we battle the forces that would cause us to get so mired down by the treatment we endured that we would even give up on our hopes and dreams. His will for us is victory, confidence, and the assurance we are His chosen children – not in spite of, but sometimes even because of our scars. We are fighters. We survived sometimes hellish circumstances, things we never told anyone else, and we came out on the other side with a tenacity and a strength known only by those who endure this kind of hardship.

What you have been through has made you especially capable and competent at ministering to others in pain. You know what it’s like to be afraid to speak loudly, to draw attention to yourself, to be an individual, and you can see it in others. The compassion engendered by your experiences was given to you for a reason. It’s not just there for you to acknowledge, but it’s been given to you so that you can minister to others who are going through or have been through similar circumstances. Someone who has never been abused can feel sorry for what a survivor is struggling with, but they just don’t know how it feels. You know because you’ve been there. You recognize the downturned gaze, the self-deprecation, the avoidance of personal talk, the attempts to be invisible; they are as familiar to you as your own skin. I can recognize an abused woman or child a mile away. It shouts the story in how they walk, carry themselves, talk, and even dress. The scramble to pacify, the constant need for reassurance that they’re good enough, the reluctance to speak about what they’re enduring is like red graffiti on a white wall. Because you’ve been there, you see what others don’t. You get them. This gives you an unique opportunity to minister to them from experience, not just what you’ve been taught in a class, read in a book, or heard second-hand.

We often look at the struggles in our lives and ask God, “Why is this happening to me?” The question itself isn’t as important as the reason behind asking it. We can have one of two attitudes when posing this query:

Why me? What did I do to deserve this? How can a loving God allow anyone to endure such trauma?
How is this trial preparing me for my calling? What can I learn from it? How can I apply the strength I gained coming through this experience to benefit the kingdom of God?

How we look at living as a human being in a world full of sin affects our response to the circumstances we find ourselves in. Unfortunately, being finite often leaves us seeing only our immediate situation; it’s like viewing a quilt from the point of view of a single piece of fabric or listening to a symphony from the third violist’s chair. We can’t see our lives like God sees them. We simply aren’t created with that capability. This is where faith comes in. We have to choose to trust Him to lead us through what will shape us into the person He intended us to be. Sometimes this means walking in darkness, trusting Him to guide us. It may require us to lay down things we want to do or be in order to receive His best for us, even if we don’t understand it at the time. For abuse survivors, this kind of trust can be really difficult. Victimization can lead to a whole mess of thought processes capable of interfering with letting go of what we think is good and right. We may fear more than just the loss of control, and justifiably so; vulnerability has betrayed us in the past, and we are leery of yielding that kind of power to anyone else, even God. In fact, it may take us much longer to learn to put our confidence in His desire for our good. This explains, in a way, why the faith of those who have suffered abuse may be much stronger; for us to get to the point where we can yield our will and desire for self-protection to someone else requires a decision not reached without much internal conflict, and one that will not be easily challenged or abandoned. I may at times doubt my ability to do what God has called me to do, but I am never dubious about His love for me. In fact, it has been the only thing I had to hold on to more than once. In the middle of everything I’ve been through, He has been the constant I could rely on – even when I was so mired in misery I wondered if I should just give in. This knowledge has been my anchor, my rock, my confidence when everything else was falling to pieces around me. I am sure of this: no matter what I’m going through, I am never alone. I may not be happy, healthy, wealthy, or successful in the eyes of the world, but God has a plan for me that will bring Him glory no matter how weak or frail I am, or how many times I fall.

No matter what anybody else tells you, what and who you are is exactly what and who you were created to be. You may have made mistakes, or fallen, or rebelled….but God knew all that when He created you, and He loves you anyway. Don’t let those lies imprison you. Remember, He knew you before He laid the foundations of the world, and He would not have you be anyone but who you are. Never forget that.

Let Me

Let Me love you.
Let go of the past
and all it means to you,
the good and the bad.
There is nothing
you can do
to change what was.
It happened.
It’s over.
It is part
of who you are now,
but it does not
have to affect
who you will be.
Give it
into My hands;
let Me heal
the hurts and scars,
and remove the pain.

Let Me love you.
Let go of the future
and all it may hold for you.
Plan to live
daily.
Leave room for Me
to move in your live
and to direct your steps.
Don’t be afraid;
what I have for you
is good.
There is
no room for fear
in My love.

Let me love you.
Let go of the now.
Let Me touch your heart
in ways and places
you’ve never
let Me touch you before.
Let Me open
your eyes
to the wonder
of My love for you.

Let me love others
through you.
Rest in me.
Take joy in
My presence in your life.
Let My love
surround you,
unfold you,
sweep you away.
Stay sensitive
to My voice.
Reach out for
My hand, and
let Me lead you
into My glory.
Don’t try to
reason it out –
it is too big
for your reason.
Just listen.
Yield.
Obey.
Love Me.

And……

Let Me love you.

How Much?

How much do
you love Me?
Enough to
abandon yourself
wholeheartedly to
My will for
your life?
Enough to
walk in
My love
every minute,
every day?
Enough to show
My love to
each person
I bring
across your
path in life?
Enough to
look past
the outside
of those people
to what I have placed
on the inside of them?
How much do you love Me?

All I ask of you
is all.
All you have,
all you are,
all you hope,
all you dream;
your plans,
goals,
ambitions,
desires,
expectations,
and even
your fears.
Give them
all
to Me.
Lay them
on the altar
of My love
for you –
and see
what I
will do
with them
and do
for you.

How much
do you trust Me?
Enough to
step out in
uncharted territory,
places you said –
or thought —
you’d never go?
Enough to
reach out and
take hold of
that which
scares you
in the
natural
if I would
ask you to?
Enough to
abandon your
fears based on
what happened
before
to you or to
others you know?
How much do you trust Me?

With what will
you trust Me?
Will you give Me
your hopes for
ministry?
Will you let Me
shape
the direction
of your life?
Will you
surrender
your dreams
and your ambitions
to My will?
Will you
believe
that I know
what is best
for your life
and accept
what I place
in your path
as a good thing
and a blessing?
With what will you trust Me?

It’s simple, really;
yet it is
the hardest thing
you will
ever do.
It will take
more effort
than anything
you’ve ever done.
It will take
your pride,
and replace it
with humility.
It will take
your fears,
and replace them
with
lasting peace.
So, I ask again;
How much do
you trust Me?
With what will
you trust Me?
How much do
you love Me?
It’s up to you……

For You

The God of all creation –
the One who spoke the universe
into existence;
Who placed the stars
in the heavens
and the fish
in the deeps of the sea;
Who lovingly
fashioned the delicate rose petal
as well as
the majestic elephant;
Who set the earth
in motion, giving us
time and seasons,
day and night;
Who initiated
the gentle whisper
of a spring breeze
and the fury
of the hurricane;
Who gave us
the splendor of the sunrise
and the beauty
of the twilight –
He did it all for you.

Your Father
created the earth
and the things in it
for you to enjoy.

He loves to hear
your laughter,
to see the twinkle
in your eyes
and the smile
on your face;
He also understands
tears of joy,
discovery,
and wonder.

He did not make you
a mindless automaton
to wander
blindly
through each day,
ignorant of your
surroundings.
He wants you to look,
to see,
to touch,
to feel,
to hold,
to taste,
to smell,
to take in
all He has done
for you.
He wants you
to live.
He wants you
to share
what He has done
for you
so it can bring
pleasure
to others.

So –
enjoy His creation;
drink deeply of life.
Reach out with
both hands and
take what He offers you.
And, as you share
what you have
been given,
it will increase
and multiply
and become more
than you ever
dreamed it could.

It’s just beginning……

Vision

Come with me for a moment.
I want to show you something:

In the corner of a room in Heaven,
there is a window
through which shines
the light of Jesus.
The room itself is
nothing special
as rooms go –
the paint is
pale yellow;
the floor is
polished oak;
there are no
curtains at the
windows.
In that one corner,
there sits a
rocking chair.
It is one of the
old,
big,
comfy ones,
with plenty of
big pillows on it.
In the chair
sits the Father
of us all.
In His arms
is a tiny baby;
He is lovingly
rocking, caressing,
caring for this child.
He meets all the infant’s needs –
food,
clothing,
even diaper changes.

As time passes,
the baby grows
into a child
and does
what children do –
running off to explore,
yet returning frequently
to make sure
Daddy
Is still there.
The child requires
discipline
at times, and it is
lovingly administered
in a way
that will
mold and shape this child
in the proper way.
When the child
falls, or gets hurt,
the Father’s lap –
in the rocking chair –
is still there.
It never
goes away.

More time goes by,
and the child grows
into a young adult.
What the child has
been taught
is now part of
this older one –
character,
personality –
strengths and
weaknesses,
all part of a
work in progress.
Communication with
the Father is
on a higher level now,
with not such a need
for physical reassurance.
Yet, when the need
arises,
the Father is still there,
in His rocking chair.
His lap is never too small,
the child never too big
to sit
and be comforted
and caressed
with healing hands.
While still a parent,
the relationship the Father
has with the child now
includes friendship and
intimacy,
birthed from
experience
and trust
and built
through the years.

The young adult is now
a man.
He can stand on his own.
He can be counted on.
The Father can
use him
to fulfill a purpose,
a calling,
a plan –
one ordained from the start.
Still –
the chair is there,
in the corner
of the room
in Heaven,
and when the man
is hurting,
God is there
to comfort
and heal
and care.

Wait – I can see the man’s face –

It’s you!

Potential

You have amazing potential
in the eyes of God.
He looks at you
and sees
all you can be
if you will yield
to His leading.

Oh!
The things He has for you…
the blessings,
the anointing,
the joy,
the fulfillment
that waits for you
in the plan of God!

Don’t settle for less
than His best for you.
Hold out
for all His grace provides.
He will touch you, shape you,
mold you, use you, and
bless others through you.

Let Him show you
all He has for you.
Let Him guide
each and every stop
you take.
Let Him touch your heart,
heal your mind,
mend your spirit,
give you all you need
to do
what He has placed
in your heart to do.

Don’t limit His love for you,
His working in you,
His anointing on you,
His blessings toward you.
Keep your eyes on Him.
Make it your goal to
fall deeper and deeper
in love with Him,
seek His face,
live in His presence,
sit at His feet.

Reach for His hand,
take it and
walk with Him
in the direction
He will show you.
For where you would stop,
camp,
even build a house,
He will say,
“Keep going. I have
more for you. Do not
settle for mediocrity.”
Keep dreaming!
Never lose the vision
He has given you.
Keep your eyes on
the prize
and you will find
there is much more
between here and there
than you ever
imagined.
Look for it,
wait for it,
expect it!

It’s there for you.

Prayer

I prayed for you today.

I prayed that God would
bless you with His power
and touch the very core of your being
with an overwhelming awareness of
who He is.

I prayed for
prosperity,
peace,
creative ideas
and supernatural ability;
that you can do more
in less time
and be less tired when you’re done.

I prayed for favor
as you deal with those
you do business with.

I prayed for
a financial miracle,
a breakthrough
into God-granted abundance.

I prayed that you would
walk in peace and harmony
with His will for your life.

I prayed for
intimacy between you and God
like you have never known.
I asked Him to
surround you,
immerse you,
wash you in His love.

I prayed for
emotional wholeness
and peace.

I found myself
praying over and over
for blessings
to come on you,
rest on you,
stay on you,
surround you,
and follow you.

I prayed you would be blessed
rising up and lying down,
coming in and going out,
as you sleep, and
when you’re awake.

I prayed
for health
and wholeness
and grace
and power
and anointing.

I prayed that God would make
His thoughts your thoughts,
His desires your desires –
and then bring them to pass.

I prayed that
everyone who sees you,
who comes into contact with your,
would know that
the favor
and blessing
of Almighty God
rests on you.

I prayed for a heart
so affected by His love
that it shines right through you.

I prayed for you today –

Like I do every day.

Precious

You are precious to God.

A long time ago, before the foundation of the earth, He knew you. He knew the circumstances that would surround your birth. He knew about your childhood. He was aware of all you would experience in your life. He knows about the hurts, the disappointments, the hopes and the dreams.
What you have experienced, and what you will experience in the future, is no surprise to Him.

He has plans for you – plans far beyond anything you could imagine. All He asks of you is willingness, yieldedness, and obedience. He will open the doors, set the wheels in motion, bring things into alignment and establish them in such a way that you and those around you will know it has to be a God-thing. There will be no room for doubt.

He desires intimacy with you beyond what you have known before. He desires to bring you into the secret place, where you can revel in His presence and let go of the concerns of this world. He wants you to draw close and get hungry for Him in a way you never have.

God loves you. You have a special place in His heart. He has plans for you – ministry, family, blessing, and prosperity. You have only just scratched the surface of what He has for you.

Press in. Get hungry. Seek His face, and He will meet you. Cling to His word and His promises – they will come to pass.

His timing is perfect. His will is good. His heart for you is blessing. Yield to Him; let Him lead and guide you into what He has in store for you – His child.

A candle on a hill?

I read an article today that said several Christian colleges are lifting the ban on alcohol and tobacco among their staff. It seems that going along with the crowd is becoming more important than standing on the Word. This is rather concerning for me, and for several reasons.

First off, let me say that I’m not necessarily against drinking per se, but I am against what social drinking leads to for many people. It’s like a lot of other things — one drink can lead to two, and that can lead to questionable behavior, and that can damage a person’s reputation or much more. Think about it….how many young people go out on Friday night, or whenever they choose to engage in social drinking, and have just one drink? Yes, there are people who do; however, the majority don’t stop at one. In fact, lots of people who go out for the purpose of drinking stop long after they should. See, the problem is that drinking isn’t just drinking. It affects the pleasure center of the brain, and it leads to decreased inhibitions. Decreased inhibitions lead to people doing things they might never do when they are sober; these things can and often do include vulgar language, drug use, and lewd behavior up to and including sex outside of marriage. How many people wake up the morning after and either can’t remember what they’ve done or are ashamed at what they did while under the influence of mind-altering substances?

Here is a short list of things that can happen as a result of going out to drink with friends (either directly or indirectly):

drunkenness
nudity
fornication
adultery
rape
car accidents
arrest
drunk driving
loss of employment
alcohol poisoning, which can lead to death
drug abuse
lying to cover up where you were or what you were doing
pregnancy
child endangerment
loss of respect
memory loss
overspending

These are short-term consequences of the effects of alcohol intake on the brain. The long term effects can be much more damaging and include losing your home, your family, your job and possibly even your life. Drunk people do all kinds of dumb things because they don’t have the checks and balances that exist when they are sober. This loss of inhibitions can even lead to a decline in personal hygiene, assault, stealing in order to get more money to support a drinking habit, alcoholism, drug dealing, prostitution, and murder — or even the death of the person doing the drinking.

Is it really worth taking that step? Is fitting in with the crowd important enough to risk your life? Do you want the people you go to church with to see you acting like a fool under the influence of alcohol? What about what we see in the Word of God?

Proverbs 20:1 “Wine is a mocker, strong drink a brawler, and whoever is led astray by it is not wise.”
Romans 13:13 “Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy”
Ephesians 5: 1-18 “Therefore be imitators of God [copy Him and follow His example], as well-beloved children [imitate their father].²And walk in love, [esteeming and delighting in one another] as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us, a slain offering and sacrifice to God [for you, so that it became] a sweet fragrance.³But immorality (sexual vice) and all impurity [of lustful, rich, wasteful living] or greediness must not even be named among you, as is fitting and proper among saints (God’s consecrated people).⁴Let there be no filthiness (obscenity, indecency) nor foolish and sinful (silly and corrupt) talk, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting or becoming; but instead voice your thankfulness [to God].⁵For be sure of this: that no person practicing sexual vice or impurity in thought or in life, or one who is covetous [who has lustful desire for the property of others and is greedy for gain]—for he [in effect] is an idolater—has any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.⁶Let no one delude and deceive you with empty excuses and groundless arguments [for these sins], for through these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of rebellion and disobedience.⁷So do not associate or be sharers with them.⁸For once you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord; walk as children of Light [lead the lives of those native-born to the Light].⁹For the fruit (the effect, the product) of the Light or the Spirit [consists] in every form of kindly goodness, uprightness of heart, and trueness of life.¹⁰And try to learn [in your experience] what is pleasing to the Lord [let your lives be constant proofs of what is most acceptable to Him].¹¹Take no part in and have no fellowship with the fruitless deeds and enterprises of darkness, but instead [let your lives be so in contrast as to] expose and reprove and convict them.¹²For it is a shame even to speak of or mention the things that [such people] practice in secret.¹³But when anything is exposed and reproved by the light, it is made visible and clear; and where everything is visible and clear there is light.¹⁴Therefore He says, Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall shine (make day dawn) upon you and give you light.¹⁵Look carefully then how you walk! Live purposefully and worthily and accurately, not as the unwise and witless, but as wise (sensible, intelligent people),¹⁶Making the very most of the time [buying up each opportunity], because the days are evil.¹⁷Therefore do not be vague and thoughtless and foolish, but understanding and firmly grasping what the will of the Lord is.¹⁸And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery; but ever be filled and stimulated with the [Holy] Spirit.” {Amplified Version}

As sons and daughters of a Holy God, we are admonished again and again to be examples of His love and grace, His light and mercy; of how He has changed us, how He has brought us out of darkness and into light. How, then, is drunkenness any part of this? How can we equate “getting loose” with others to the glory and mystery of our salvation? We have been purchased by the blood of a Holy Savior; paid for by the sacrifice of His life, which paid for our sins. Can we not give up drinking booze for that sacrifice, or is it so important to us that we have to lay aside our salvation (or put it in a box on a shelf in our hearts) so we can go have what the unsaved call “fun?” Do you really want to risk your witness … wait, before you answer and say that’s not going to happen, think about the person God has you mentoring…think about them coming along the street after you’ve had a few drinks, stumbling out to your car so you can take the lives of others into your hands as you drive home with decreased response time because of what the alcohol does to your brain. What kind of message does that give them? “Oh, it’s okay to drink, even though we just read this week that being drunk isn’t good. Maybe those words were for another time and place. I guess the Word of God is just a guideline, not something we need to take literally. It’s….well….it’s just a story, then. Just an example. Just fiction.”

Lest you think this isn’t hitting me too, I’m being convicted myself as I type — not of drinking, because I don’t and haven’t for over a decade, but I’m being convicted of other behaviors I engage in that don’t glorify God; behaviors that might lead others to think that we can make exceptions to the Scripture for our own benefit. I need to repent, too. See, this is how it is…we get a message for others, or we sit down to discuss something important, and God takes the light of His Word and shines it on our lives as well.

Is your life a candle on a hill? Or do you hide that light so you can indulge in worldly pleasures? I know I have some repenting to do, and some changing. Repenting is no good if it doesn’t lead to change. That’s like adding soap to the washer but putting it in a plastic bag first — it doesn’t get the clothes clean unless it can mix in with them and touch them. Repentance is when the Word of God touches your life and cleans it up, each time leaving you a little more like Him and a little less like the world.

“May God bless you and keep you; may God make His face shine on you and be gracious to you; may God turn His countenance upon you and give you peace.” (Numbers 6:24-26)