(this addresses the feelings surrounding my decision to leave the evangelical “christian” church when they decided to support the former president)
they said it was right
i knew it was wrong
they told me to rethink
it didn’t change my mind
they made me choose between
community and loneliness
feeling part of a family and
walking on my own
i couldn’t stay and
let it erase who i was
no matter how painful
the decision proved to be
so I walked away
with my head held high
my friends left in the mire
of conformity and error
but i can’t be responsible
for who they choose to be
when my own identity is
at danger of disappearing
i won’t lie and say I don’t miss them
but I never really
fit into their crowd
always just on the edge of belonging
the truth is, though,
i’m better off living in the light
seeing the truth and walking in it
instead of following the crowd
i’ve always been a loner
so readjusting was easier
than if I needed people to feel
whole or valuable
speaking the truth can
carry a hefty price
but i counted the cost
and paid the price
integrity instead of conformity
compassion instead of condemnation
love instead of judgment
empathy instead of scorn
when i stand before God
and answer for how i lived my life
i want Him to see my heart and know
i honored what He called me to do
more than what people thought of me
because that matters more
than all the money or power
in the world
The evangelical church has lost its way in the last 25 years. It began in the mid-50s when the Prosperity Gospel and Word of Faith movement seeped into its midst; I believe this was the forerunner of what we are currently seeing. The current state of evangelicalism is one of selfishness, callousness, judgmentalism, condemnation of others, and outright rebellion against the teachings of scripture. What is happening now in these churches is driving people away from fellowship and even faith as they decide if God supports these kinds of actions, attitudes, and ideals, they don’t want anything to do with Him or those who call themselves His people.
I’ve been involved in church since I was six weeks old. I had what evangelical Christians call a conversion experience in 1974 when I was 14 years old. I was baptized in the Holy Spirit less than six weeks later. My faith gave me the strength to endure an abusive childhood, being molested by my stepfather, and a violent first marriage. It helped me through 15 years as a single mother. Prayer, attending church regularly, and some bending hours in the Bible every week was the cornerstone of my life for over 30 years. So, what happened?
In the mid-to-late 90s, I started realizing the magnitude of the divide between people with power in the evangelical church and those who supported them. Instead of being a servant, the pastor was seen as the ultimate authority. If you attended Brother So-and-So’s church, you’d better not ever be heard speaking out against anything he said or you would face admonishment, correction, or discipline. They rationalize this by misquoting Psalm 105:15, which tells us not to touch God’s anointed. Taken in context, this verse refers to the entire body of believers, not just pastors and their cohorts. Unfortunately, in the evangelical church this has led to an attitude that you cannot question leadership, prophets, or anyone in a position of authority without risking the wrath of God. This attitude fails to recognize that we are all are sinners, prone to mistakes and deliberate errors, and we are not above correction regardless of where we are in the hierarchy of the church:
In addition, the undercurrent of the Prosperity Gospel and Word of Faith movement became more prominent as time progressed. What began with the minor distortion of Luke 6:38 became a full-fledged perversion as things progressed from God blessing you because He’s good and wants to bless you to God blessing you because He’s obligated to do so based on how much money you put in the offering or what ministry support. People who embrace this false doctrine forget there are many passages in the Bible talking about our obligation to minister to the poor, take care of widows and orphans, and to not treat the rich as if they are better than the poor — because wherever we are, it’s in God’s will for us to be there. I actually heard several pastors over the years tell you if you’re poor, it’s because you’re not giving enough money to the church. If you’re sick, it’s because you don’t have enough faith. If your loved one dies, either they weren’t faithful enough, or you neglected to do something right. The gospel as they believe it has become one of works, not faith. It is no longer the good news for all people, but a transactional relationship, kind of like putting quarters in a vending machine and getting a bag of chips. That’s not how God works.
Another thing I find concerning is their lack of empathy/sympathy, compassion, and caring for those who are struggling. Their token answer for just about any situation has become, “Place it at the foot of the cross and walk away.” They seem unaware, either deliberately or otherwise, not everything can be resolved in that way. The church should be a resource for the homeless, the hungry, abused, neglected, lonely, and struggling. It should be actively working to help these people is a way of showing the love of Jesus to a lost and dying world, but they seem to have forgotten this mandate in favor of promoting their twisted version of the good news.
I specifically remember a certain pastor saying his goal was to have his parking lot full of luxury cars, not clunkers. My question is this: if, as it says in Luke 5:31, “…it is not the healthy who need doctors, but the sick,” why do they only want rich people in their churches? That’s like sending healthy people to the hospital and telling sick people to stay home. If we don’t welcome and embrace the struggling to show them the love and hope found in our faith, what makes it any better than a country club or bar? If the offering on Sunday doesn’t go to bless the poor, but instead lines the pastor’s pocket or helps the church build a new multi-million-dollar edifice for their rich parishioners, what good does that do the community at large? How does it fulfill the great commission? What is the good news if it’s not the message that Jesus can meet you wherever you are and help you regardless of your circumstances? Where is the hope in that kind of gospel?
As it embraced the Prosperity Gospel, the Word of Faith movement, and now Dominionism and the New Apostolic Reformation, the evangelical church has become nothing more than a members-only club where the rich gain more wealth and the poor stay that way. They can never get ahead because they’re being encouraged to give every penny to people who don’t need the money or the help. Offerings aren’t being put into meeting the needs of the suffering, but instead going to increase the prosperity and elitism of those in power within evangelicalism. It is, in a way, a form of hypocrisy, because it violates the principles of compassion, giving, sacrifice, service, and looking to God to provide us with what we need instead of making a list of what we want and asking God to give it to us. To suggest we can demand something from God because we tithe and give offerings is heretical at best. Judging people because of what they have instead of loving them because God created us all is no better than what the world does. How are we showing our love for our neighbor by putting our own wants before their needs? How many of these pastors are taking in hundreds of thousands of dollars monthly but refusing to help their own members in need of assistance with rent, groceries, or medical bills? Requiring hungry people to sit through a two-hour church service in order to get groceries to feed their family isn’t compassionate or charitable. Telling people who are financially struggling they need to get another job instead of helping them with their rent doesn’t show the love of God.
The evangelical church is sick. A cancer has invaded part of the body of Christ, and it needs to be excised. Unless they are willing to repent and change their ways, there is no hope for restoration or redemption. I hate to say that, because I used to be one of them and it was an essential part of my life for many years, but there it is. I no longer identify as evangelical because I cannot support what they believe, how they act, or where they’re headed. It’s sad, because they have the potential to be a force for good in the world.
It is time. Time to deal with the pain, the past, and let it go. Forgiveness. Rejection is no longer a fear. Your confidence is in your God, not in man. His acceptance is all you need. It will quell those voices from the past, those that say “You are not worthy. You do not deserve this.”
See, you are His child. And you deserve what He says you deserve. And that is good. Peace. Joy. Hope.
But God, don’t You see me?
Yes, child, I see you. But not as you see yourself. I look at you through eyes of mercy love compassion and forgiveness.
You need to forgive yourself.
For what?
For falling short of your own expectations. For failing in what you thought you should do or be. See, My plans for you are not what you would choose.
What a shock. I thought I had that one figured out. After all, look where I am and how I’m living.
I have been searching for a new church since I moved back to this area a year ago. I have had to leave several services early because the music was so loud it gave me a migraine. Is this really worship, or is it a concert? Does it enable the average church member or visitor to set aside the cares of the world and focus on God, or is it meant to entertain? Do we need a darkened auditorium, spotlights, and fog machines to proclaim the majesty of Almighty God? What I see from my seat in these environments is less and less participation, especially when the “worship team” chooses songs with too many words or a melody line outside the range of most average singers. It is becoming a spectator sport instead of a way of coming together as believers to give reverence and awe to the God who gives us hope in a lost and dying world.
I know this will age me, but I was taught that praise and worship served a purpose, and that was to bring us into the throne room of God and prepare us to hear what God wanted to say to us. It was a way of setting aside the worries and concerns of daily life, unifying us as a people, and focusing on the One who could give us hope when all hope was lost. It was, at times, a sacrifice, especially when we were struggling or hurting or angry. It was a way of declaring that even in the midst of our trials and tribulations, God was still on the throne, and we were going to set aside this time to focus on Him instead of ourselves.
Our worship team was seen not only as a vital part of the ministry of the church, but also as people who set an example for young believers and newcomers. We dressed appropriately, wearing modest clothes so as not to draw the eye of the weak to areas they shouldn’t be looking at. We were not seen as the focal point, but rather as vessels. Our goal was leading the church into the presence of God. Being on the worship team was a privilege and a responsibility.
I fear that in the search for contemporary relevance and relatability, and in an attempt to get more backsides in the seats, we have lost sight of our vision. We have watered down the truth of the Gospel to pacify people who want to come to church, but don’t want to change. They want to feel good about what God has done for them, but they don’t really want to do anything for God. They don’t want to alter their lifestyles, give up their sinful behavior, or make any significant modifications to their lives.
We have taken the phrase “Come as you are” and forgotten that an intense, sincere relationship with God will not leave you where you were when you began. Failing to challenge believers to become more holy, to be in the world but not of it, and to seek to become more Christ-like is falling far short of the mark of excellence we are called to as Christians. We should be different. We should be peculiar, odd, & seen as out of place on this planet where sin, hate, strife, and division are spiraling out of control. We should be a light in the darkness.
It is simply not enough to come to church on Sunday, sing three songs from the current CCM radio station playlist, listen to a feel-good sermon, and walk back out the doors unchallenged and unchanged. That is not worship…. It is entertainment.
And beyond this there lies in the ocean, turned towards the west and north, the island of Niatirb which Hecataeus indeed declares to be the same size and shape as Sicily, but it is larger, though in calling it triangular a man would not miss the mark. It is densely inhabited by men who wear clothes not very different from the other barbarians who occupy the north western parts of Europe though they do not agree with them in language. These islanders, surpassing all the men of whom we know in patience and endurance, use the following customs.
In the middle of winter when fogs and rains most abound they have a great festival which they call Exmas and for fifty days they prepare for it in the fashion I shall describe. First of all, every citizen is obliged to send to each of his friends and relations a square piece of hard paper stamped with a picture, which in their speech is called an Exmas-card. But the pictures represent birds sitting on branches, or trees with a dark green prickly leaf, or else men in such garments as the Niatirbians believe that their ancestors wore two hundred years ago riding in coaches such as their ancestors used, or houses with snow on their roofs. And the Niatirbians are unwilling to say what these pictures have to do with the festival; guarding (as I suppose) some sacred mystery. And because all men must send these cards the marketplace is filled with the crowd of those buying them, so that there is great labour and weariness.
But having bought as many as they suppose to be sufficient, they return to their houses and find there the like cards which others have sent to them. And when they find cards from any to whom they also have sent cards, they throw them away and give thanks to the gods that this labour at least is over for another year. But when they find cards from any to whom they have not sent, then they beat their breasts and wail and utter curses against the sender; and, having sufficiently lamented their misfortune, they put on their boots again and go out into the fog and rain and buy a card for him also. And let this account suffice about Exmas-cards.
They also send gifts to one another, suffering the same things about the gifts as about the cards, or even worse. For every citizen has to guess the value of the gift which every friend will send to him so that he may send one of equal value, whether he can afford it or not. And they buy as gifts for one another such things as no man ever bought for himself. For the sellers, understanding the custom, put forth all kinds of trumpery, and whatever, being useless and ridiculous, they have been unable to sell throughout the year they now sell as an Exmas gift. And though the Niatirbians profess themselves to lack sufficient necessary things, such as metal, leather, wood and paper, yet an incredible quantity of these things is wasted every year, being made into the gifts.
But during these fifty days the oldest, poorest, and most miserable of the citizens put on false beards and red robes and walk about the market-place; being disguised (in my opinion) as Cronos. And the sellers of gifts no less than the purchaser’s become pale and weary, because of the crowds and the fog, so that any man who came into a Niatirbian city at this season would think some great public calamity had fallen on Niatirb. This fifty days of preparation is called in their barbarian speech the Exmas Rush.
But when the day of the festival comes, then most of the citizens, being exhausted with the Rush, lie in bed till noon. But in the evening they eat five times as much supper as on other days and, crowning themselves with crowns of paper, they become intoxicated. And on the day after Exmas they are very grave, being internally disordered by the supper and the drinking and reckoning how much they have spent on gifts and on the wine. For wine is so dear among the Niatirbians that a man must swallow the worth of a talent before he is well intoxicated.
Such, then, are their customs about the Exmas. But the few among the Niatirbians have also a festival, separate and to themselves, called Crissmas, which is on the same day as Exmas. And those who keep Crissmas, doing the opposite to the majority of the Niatirbians, rise early on that day with shining faces and go before sunrise to certain temples where they partake of a sacred feast. And in most of the temples they set out images of a fair woman with a new-born Child on her knees and certain animals and shepherds adoring the Child. (The reason of these images is given in a certain sacred story which I know but do not repeat.)
But I myself conversed with a priest in one of these temples and asked him why they kept Crissmas on the same day as Exmas; for it appeared to me inconvenient. But the priest replied, “It is not lawful, O stranger, for us to change the date of Chrissmas, but would that Zeus would put it into the minds of the Niatirbians to keep Exmas at some other time or not to keep it at all. For Exmas and the Rush distract the minds even of the few from sacred things. And we indeed are glad that men should make merry at Crissmas; but in Exmas there is no merriment left.” And when I asked him why they endured the Rush, he replied, “It is, O Stranger, a racket”; using (as I suppose) the words of some oracle and speaking unintelligibly to me (for a racket is an instrument which the barbarians use in a game called tennis).
But what Hecataeus says, that Exmas and Crissmas are the same, is not credible. For first, the pictures which are stamped on the Exmas-cards have nothing to do with the sacred story which the priests tell about Crissmas. And secondly, the most part of the Niatirbians, not believing the religion of the few, nevertheless send the gifts and cards and participate in the Rush and drink, wearing paper caps. But it is not likely that men, even being barbarians, should suffer so many and great things in honour of a god they do not believe in. And now, enough about Niatirb.
White Sands National Monument, New Mexico. Stunning!
Yep….I made up a new word. More than thoughts….progressive development of thoughts created by thinking about thoughts. Like it?
So today I’m sitting at the library in Waycross, GA. It seemed as good a place as any to stop and take advantage of power as well as free wi-fi. It’s been a week since I last made an entry; this one is more about me and less about others.
See, I’ve been learning a lot since I hit the road. God speaks to me in all kinds of cool ways through all sorts of neat things. I’d like to share some of them with you.
First off, we look at things not only through a mirror, as it says in 1 Corinthians 13:12, but we only see a teeny little bit of everything going on around as well as within us. For instance, I have some issues. (Yeah, I know – what a shock!) When I look at them, I see what appears to be a massive tree right in front of me. It blocks my view of anything else as well as shutting out the sun, rain, and anything else of positive note. All I can focus on is that silly huge tree blocking my way, with massive branches hanging over my head and threatening to fall on me, destroying who I am.
Well, guess what? That tree isn’t even really there. It’s more of a tumbleweed, really. It’s only part of what makes me who I am, but the reason I see it as being so big is because I’m limited by who I am, what I’ve experienced, and how I see the world. Everything I’ve gone through in my life affects how I view a crisis, challenge, or what I see as a failure. I take things very personally, partly because of how I was raised, but also because of how that upbringing conditioned me to see not only myself, but the world.
See, I grew up being compared to others and always, in my mother’s eyes, falling short of hitting the mark. I wasn’t thin enough, or active enough, or social enough. I had “a pretty face,” but this meant I was fat and needed to lose weight. This isn’t intended as a criticism of my mom, but an explanation of why I am who I am and the reasons I struggle with accepting my existence, weaknesses and strengths without feeling the need to justify everything or tear apart every failure. I’m great at criticizing myself, but not so good at accepting that I’m good or deserve anything positive.
Even though I came to a saving knowledge of Jesus at a relatively young age (14), I struggled then and continue to wrestle now with accepting His love towards me just the way I am. I can never seem to feel like I quite hit the mark. I make silly mistakes, jump off into deep water seemingly without thinking, and I can’t keep my mouth shut. I have no filter and very little in the way of tact. This causes crises that further reinforce my sensation of undeservedness and fuels my feelings of insufficiency. It hasn’t caused me to lose my faith; in fact, it has given me reason to cling even more desperately to the Father like His love is a life raft and I’m in the eye of a hurricane. Without my faith, I’d be dead. No doubt. However, this whole mess colors how I look at myself and my life both in general and in day-to-day situations.
I think we all suffer with this tunnel vision to some extent…..some of us more than others. I know people who appear to breeze through life without a trial, tribulation, or loss of anything that appears significant. They have good jobs, nice houses, and their kids are successful as well. However, what we see on the surface is only the visible. Who knows what they deal with inside their own heads? Do they doubt themselves as much as I do? Do they accept the love of God without fear? Do they beat themselves up every time they make a mistake? What about the pressure to keep up with the income, the possessions, the reputation? Do they ever want to do what I just did — sell everything and move into a van?
Anywho….to get on with my point…..when I was out west for my first frantic trip, I saw lots of cool stuff. One thing God used to speak to me was the desert. It looks kinda dry and barren, but things still live and even flourish there. Cacti absorb water when it rains to feed themselves and a wide assortment of wildlife in the dry season. Insects burrow into the sand in the heat of the day and come out at night. In the spring, there are flowers and fresh growth shows up everywhere. Lavender grows wild on the roadsides, adding a gentle beauty to the sand and scrub brush. What looks kinda desolate is actually teeming with life of a different sort — the kind that grows, propagates, and brings beauty to the environment around it.
So why do we complain when we find ourselves in the desert? Instead of bemoaning the lack of surroundings we’re used to, could we look instead for the hidden blessings and opportunities for growth? Could we garner something positive and develop our characters so when we were in seasons of drought, we’d still have resources to draw on? Could we become people who never stop looking to learn, reaching for the positive and the possible?
It’s the same with the northern climates…..yeah, snow is cold and wet and hampers movement and it can be as dangerous as the desert. However, its purpose is plain. It allows perennial plants to go dormant, preparing for the next season of growth. It provides moisture for forests and fields, enabling all kinds of life to be sustained. It even gives people the opportunity to rest inside by a fire, enjoy a day of skiing or sledding, and have some down time with a cup of hot chocolate while relaxing alone or with loved ones. John 12:24 says a seed has to fall to the ground and die before bursting into life; are humans the same way? Sometimes we need a period of rest and just being still before moving on to the next thing. We don’t always need to be doing things. It’s okay to sit at Jesus’ feet and just be.
So anyhow, those are the beginnings of my rambling thoughts. I hope maybe they make sense to someone and even possibly bring a blessing to another pilgrim struggling, like me, to make some kind of sense of life….or just to live and enjoy it and stop trying to figure everything out…..
If your faith as a Christian is based on how much you are financially blessed or the state of your health, you’re in for a rude awakening. NOWHERE in the Word of God are we promised an easy ride. What we are promised is that God will be with us along our journey. I can uncategorically testify that the struggles I have been through in my life have strengthened my faith, and despite the fact I can’t afford the finer things in life, don’t have perfect health, and live on disability because of my health issues, I have an unshaken, unwavering, undoubting faith in Almighty God and His ability to turn even the worst things that have happened to me for His good. He is faithful. He is good. He is my security and hope in the middle of the chaos that is my life. His unchanging love makes my life worth living….that He cares enough to love me in the here and now, in this mess of a body, with these failings and shortcomings, gives me the strength to keep going. It’s not about what I have or don’t have, whether I’m rich or poor, whether I live in a mansion or a tent….God is God is God….and that is enough.
“I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace. In the world you have tribulation and distress and suffering, but be courageous [be confident, be undaunted, be filled with joy]; I have overcome the world.” [My conquest is accomplished, My victory abiding.] {John 16:33 Amplified Bible (AMP)}
emergingclarity 