Pain Will Not Win

you are my constant companion
with me each moment of every day
never ceasing to remind me
of the fragility and the preciousness of life

the pain you have given me
drives me to cherish the smallest things
the times with my loved ones
now all too infrequent 
touching my life in a deeper way
than ever before

I have questioned myself
my motives and my actions
trying to discover
the root, the cause, the reason
only to find you are
as random as the wind
striking whom you will
where you will
when you choose

there is no preventative measure
I could have taken
there is no cure in the annals of medicine
only a hope for relief
from the constant pain I live in
a hope that drives me
to try yet one more medication
one more treatment

to spite you
I will not give into depression
I will not let your presence
steal from me who I am
instead, I will make the most
of each second I've been given
and in the hard times
I will cling to that which is good

you will not win
you will not take my life
you may grab at my livelihood
my possessions, my ability
but who I am
will always shine through
the pain

torture me if you must 
leave me writhing in agony
crying out for relief
still my spirit will be there fighting you
I will fight you with my last breath

I will not give in to you.

©2008



It is time.

It is time.
Time to deal with
the pain,
the past,
and let it go.
Forgiveness.
Rejection
is no longer
a fear.
Your confidence
is in your God,
not in man.
His acceptance
is all you need.
It will
quell
those voices
from the past,
those that say
“You are not
worthy.
You do not
deserve this.”

See, you
are His child.
And you deserve
what He says
you deserve.
And that
is good.
Peace.
Joy.
Hope.

But God, don’t You see me?

Yes, child,
I see you.
But not as
you see yourself.
I look at you
through
eyes of
mercy
love
compassion
and forgiveness.

You need to
forgive
yourself.

For what?

For falling short
of your own
expectations.
For failing
in what
you thought
you should
do or be.
See, My plans for you
are not what
you would choose.

What a shock. I thought I had that one figured out. After all, look where I am and how I’m living.

But
that
is
coming
to an end.

Let
Me
Work.

Yield to Me.
Be sensitive
and willing.

Oh, what I have for you, My child! Let Me work it in you. Stop the fighting. Let go of your pride and fear and let Me work. For I am not some vengeful master, but a loving Father. I desire good for you if you will accept it. I don’t wait for you to stumble so I can whack you. I am not your dad – I am your Father.
©1-29-1997

make a choice

they said it was right
i knew it was wrong
they told me to rethink
it didn’t change my mind

they made me choose between
community and loneliness
feeling part of a family and
standing on my own

i couldn’t stay and
let it erase who i was
no matter how painful
the decision proved to be

so I walked away
with my head held high
my friends left in the mire
of conformity and error

but i can’t be responsible
for who they choose to be
when my own identity is
in danger of disappearing

i won’t lie and say I don’t miss them
but I never really
fit into their crowd
always just on the edge of belonging

the truth is, though,
i’m better off living in the light
seeing the truth and living in it
instead of following the crowd

i’ve always been a loner
so readjusting was easier
than if I needed people to feel
whole or valuable

speaking the truth can
carry a hefty price
but i counted the cost
and paid the price

integrity instead of conformity
compassion instead of condemnation
love instead of judgment
empathy instead of scorn

when i stand before God
and answer for how i lived my life
i want Him to see my heart and know
i honored what He called me to do
more than what people thought of me
because that matters more
than all the money or power
in the world

9-10-2020
©plfreitag

Part of Me

Long ago,
when I formed you
in your mother’s womb,
I placed
a piece of Myself
inside you.

I have been with you
since your conception.
I was there
as your organs formed,
as your fingers and toes
took shape.
I determined
the color of your eyes
and
the sound of your voice.
I was the one
Who decided
what you would
look like today.

Nothing
that has happened to you
has been hidden from Me.
I have seen
what was done in the open
as well as
in the hidden places,
the places
others thought
nobody would ever find.
I have shared with you
every moment
of every day
of your life.
None of it has been
hidden from
My watchful eye.
Nothing you have endured
has come as a surprise
to Me.

When necessary,
I have intervened –
Informed the enemy,
“Enough. This far
and no further
will you go.
This child is Mine.
The mark is there,
clear to see.
Take your hands off.”

I have watched
as your character formed,
as the pressures of living
forged in you
a strength
that an easy life
would have left you
deprived of.
And,
though the furnace
was hot,
the heat was
always controlled
by my hand.
Never too much,
never too little;
always just enough
to shape you
into the person
I knew you could be.
Strong, reliable,
trustworthy –
yet still dependent on Me.

And now,
today,
I hold in My hand
the desire of your heart.
It is there,
but you must
reach out and take it.
Do you really want it?
It will cost you –
some will not understand,
others will be jealous;
you may not even
comprehend for yourself why –
it is because
I have placed it within you.

Look and see
what I have for you.
It is a blessing,
meant for you
and no one else.

Do you trust Me?
What I have for you
is a good thing,
I will say it again –
it is a good thing.

Take hold of the blessing.
It is there for you,
And it is a good thing.

©1998

Your Heart

I am doing a work
in your heart.
There are
scarred areas,
wounds from
deep-seated
hurts and fears…..
I am healing them.

I am ever so gently
removing the dead tissue
and replacing it
with flesh that is
alive,
feeling,
breathing.

I am taking away
the dead parts
that have
withered and
shriveled up from
lack of use,
lack of feeling,
and putting My love
in their place.

I am dealing with
and healing hurts,
fears,
insecurities,
and wrong ways
of thinking
that were put there
by those who hurt you
and replacing them
with thoughts of
righteousness,
purity,
holiness and
wholeness.

It is time to
say goodbye
to the past
and to set
your eyes forward –
toward what I have
for your future.

Don’t limit Me
with your mind,
with your thinking.
Keep your eyes open,
watching for the blessings
that are coming
your way.

Raise your
expectations.
Don’t hesitate to
reach for the stars.
I have put them
within your grasp.

Hold on tight
to the promises
I have given you;
yet –
don’t limit Me
only to those promises.
I have
much more for you
if you will only
prepare to receive it.

Trust Me with your heart.

©1998

Blessings

Blessings
upon blessings
upon blessings
upon blessings
upon blessings.

I am going
to bless you
more deeply,
more thoroughly,
more intensely
than you ever
thought possible.

Open your hands.
I am going to fill them
over
and over
and over again
until there is
no more room.
No more room.
Not anywhere.
No more room.

Open your heart.
I am going to fill it
with more love
than you thought
you would,
could,
should ever have.
You will have to share it.
You won’t be
able to contain it.
It will overtake you.
It will surprise you.
It will astound you.
And it will lead you
to do things you
never thought you would do.

Open your mind.
I am going to renew it.
I will put
creative ideas,
anointed thoughts,
purposes and plans
straight from the Throne Room
into your being.
You will see
as you’ve never seen before.
You will understand
like you’ve never understood before.
My ideas
will become yours.
My plans and thoughts
will become yours.
And you will become Mine.

Make yourself ready.
The doors of heaven
are fixing to open
and shower
blessing
upon blessing
upon blessing
upon blessing
upon blessing
all over you.

It’s beginning
even now.
Are you ready?
Are you believing?
Are you expecting?

©1998

Let Me

Let Me love you.
Let go of the past
and all it means to you,
the good and the bad.
There is nothing
you can do
to change what was.
It happened.
It’s over.
It is part
of who you are now,
but it does not
have to affect
who you will be.
Give it
into My hands;
let Me heal
the hurts and scars,
and remove the pain.

Let Me love you.
Let go of the future
and all it may hold for you.
Plan to live
daily.
Leave room for Me
to move in your live
and to direct your steps.
Don’t be afraid;
what I have for you
is good.
There is
no room for fear
in My love.

Let me love you.
Let go of the now.
Let Me touch your heart
in ways and places
you’ve never
let Me touch you before.
Let Me open
your eyes
to the wonder
of My love for you.

Let me love others
through you.
Rest in me.
Take joy in
My presence in your life.
Let My love
surround you,
unfold you,
sweep you away.
Stay sensitive
to My voice.
Reach out for
My hand, and
let Me lead you
into My glory.
Don’t try to
reason it out –
it is too big
for your reason.
Just listen.
Yield.
Obey.
Love Me.

And……

Let Me love you.

©1998

How Much?

How much do
you love Me?
Enough to
abandon yourself
wholeheartedly to
My will for
your life?
Enough to
walk in
My love
every minute,
every day?
Enough to show
My love to
each person
I bring
across your
path in life?
Enough to
look past
the outside
of those people
to what I have placed
on the inside of them?
How much do you love Me?

All I ask of you
is all.
All you have,
all you are,
all you hope,
all you dream;
your plans,
goals,
ambitions,
desires,
expectations,
and even
your fears.
Give them
all
to Me.
Lay them
on the altar
of My love
for you –
and see
what I
will do
with them
and do
for you.

How much
do you trust Me?
Enough to
step out in
uncharted territory,
places you said –
or thought —
you’d never go?
Enough to
reach out and
take hold of
that which
scares you
in the
natural
if I would
ask you to?
Enough to
abandon your
fears based on
what happened
before
to you or to
others you know?
How much do you trust Me?

With what will
you trust Me?
Will you give Me
your hopes for
ministry?
Will you let Me
shape
the direction
of your life?
Will you
surrender
your dreams
and your ambitions
to My will?
Will you
believe
that I know
what is best
for your life
and accept
what I place
in your path
as a good thing
and a blessing?
With what will you trust Me?

It’s simple, really;
yet it is
the hardest thing
you will
ever do.
It will take
more effort
than anything
you’ve ever done.
It will take
your pride,
and replace it
with humility.
It will take
your fears,
and replace them
with
lasting peace.
So, I ask again;
How much do
you trust Me?
With what will
you trust Me?
How much do
you love Me?
It’s up to you……

©1998

For You

The God of all creation –
the One who spoke the universe
into existence;
Who placed the stars
in the heavens
and the fish
in the deeps of the sea;
Who lovingly
fashioned the delicate rose petal
as well as
the majestic elephant;
Who set the earth
in motion, giving us
time and seasons,
day and night;
Who initiated
the gentle whisper
of a spring breeze
and the fury
of the hurricane;
Who gave us
the splendor of the sunrise
and the beauty
of the twilight –
He did it all for you.

Your Father
created the earth
and the things in it
for you to enjoy.

He loves to hear
your laughter,
to see the twinkle
in your eyes
and the smile
on your face;
He also understands
tears of joy,
discovery,
and wonder.

He did not make you
a mindless automaton
to wander
blindly
through each day,
ignorant of your
surroundings.
He wants you to look,
to see,
to touch,
to feel,
to hold,
to taste,
to smell,
to take in
all He has done
for you.
He wants you
to live.
He wants you
to share
what He has done
for you
so it can bring
pleasure
to others.

So –
enjoy His creation;
drink deeply of life.
Reach out with
both hands and
take what He offers you.
And, as you share
what you have
been given,
it will increase
and multiply
and become more
than you ever
dreamed it could.

It’s just beginning……

©1998